


love letters.

by simigang



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Growing Up Together, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Unrequited Love, Warnings May Change, a lil tragic, oh hey kun, sorry loves this is SAD!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-11-05 03:35:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17911256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simigang/pseuds/simigang
Summary: donghyuck was young and ignorant when he fell in love with mark. young enough to view the world as a place of endless possibilities.and ignorant enough to believe life would grant him a happy ending.





	love letters.

**Author's Note:**

> aha hello babies. it’s been a while since ive written something new and i was very heartbroken thus this fic was born.  
> sorry if you’re weak hearted…
> 
> major shoutout to [this!](https://senotashwolf.tumblr.com/post/174524729859/soulmate-au-2) tumblr post that helped me tie everything together. and my ex who broke my heart! fuck u!  
> anyways, hope y’all enjoy :0

Donghyuck remembered one of the first times he struggled to catch his breath. His childhood consisted of lots of running around and chasing his friends around the metal pillars of the playground. They would end up rolling around in the grass, not minding the green stains that would eventually litter their clothes, after someone pushed someone else too roughly during tag. Nothing was aggressive when he was eight years old. Even though they tended to fight over the smallest, most irrelevant things, it didn’t change the fact that they were friends. A second later, they were doubled over in laughter to where their stomachs pierced in pain. Their lungs gasping for air. Those were the happy, breathless moments. 

He can categorize life as such. Every second of living consisted of happiness, sadness, loneliness, excitement, and many more emotions he had yet to be exposed to. But each time, he felt himself losing his breath due to intensity. Whether a positive or negative experience, it would somehow cause him to be breathless. 

 

Donghyuck was fifteen when he first saw Mark. Reminiscing on this moment, he wants to laugh because Mark looked nothing short of a hot mess. His hair was bleached, something that immediately stuck out to Donghyuck, and poked out in many different directions. His rose-colored tank top stuck to his body due to the sweat. Seoul’s summers weren’t even  _ that  _ hot, but the way Donghyuck watched him constantly bring up the hem of his shirt to wipe the dripping sweat on his forehead lead him to believe this person wasn’t from  _ here _ . Maybe somewhere colder. 

 

His fifteen year old heart was pounding so hard that it hurt. He clenched at his white t-shirt as he watched from the living room window. Mark, a stranger then, continued to carry boxes into the neighboring house. It had been vacant for months since Jaemin and his family decided to move back to Busan. 

 

He remembers getting comfortable in front of his windowsill while watching the boy making tiresome trips back and forth. Donghyuck loses count of how many boxes he carries, how many rounds this random boy makes to the moving truck and back into his new home, before his mother is pushing a plastic container full of food in his hand.

 

Donghyuck is stammering refusals as he pushes whatever the  _ hell  _ she cooked back into her own hands. Somehow, her motherly strength overpowers his and has him out the door. She even goes as far to  _ lock  _ it. He grumbles and stands at their porch where she can see him through the viewing hole to weigh his options. 

 

He knows he’s a sociable person. He has always been able to talk to people easily (after getting over a little bout of shyness when he was younger). This situation shouldn’t be complicated, but it’s like his heart is creating nerves all on its own. 

 

Before his mother can shout at him through the door, he starts to cross the front yard with hesitant steps. His sandals cause him to almost trip in the grass. He walks even slower than before as with embarrassment evident on his golden cheeks. 

 

Even though Mark had his back towards him, he instantly turned on his heels like he felt someone watching him. Like out of habit or instinct. His eyes were squinted as he was still trying to adjust to the bright sun, but Donghyuck watched them widen in shock. A flash of surprise that disappeared even sooner than the emotion came. 

 

“I—Here. My mom made…whatever this is. I live next door.” Donghyuck extended his arms to offer the tupperware container. To a stranger, it probably seemed too suspicious to eat, but Donghyuck was grasping for words at the moment. His mind was white noise as soon as their eyes met. 

 

The boy glanced at the, what he assumed to be, food, and then back at his neighbor. “Thank you.” He replied as he took the plastic out of the other boy’s hands. Their hands overlapped, touching, as he handed over the food. Their contact burned and had Donghyuck flinching away as soon as his fingers grazed. 

 

Donghyuck watched the other boy stack the plastic container on another box. He realized too late that he should probably leave now since the stranger’s eyes were back on him. His gaze felt so heavy and stifling. 

 

“What’s your name?” He asked. As Donghyuck looked closer, he realized that the boy’s skin was pretty pale. It contrasted greatly with the pretty red of his tank top. 

 

“Um, Donghyuck. Lee Donghyuck. And you are?” He was feeling happy. He doesn’t even know this boy, yet his body felt so light and over the moon. Just a second ago, he wanted to hide away in embarrassment. 

 

“M— _Lee. Min._ hyung _._ You can call me Mark though.” The boy explained—Mark explained—with a smile.  Donghyuck noticed how he articulated every syllable of his name as if he wasn’t used to it. The stabbing sensation numbed to a dull throb as Donghyuck grew mesmerized by his sheepish smile. It was a quick sight that was gone within a second, but it would be ingrained in Donghyuck’s memory forever. 

 

As the two began to separate, with Donghyuck practically running to his front door, Mark felt a sudden urge. Something tugging at his heart that caused the words to tumble out of his mouth before he could process exactly what he was saying.

 

“You, maybe—Do you want to come over, like, tonight?” He asked. Mark’s arms were full as the sun obscured his vision, yet he could still see Donghyuck’s slim form. Mark watched his left hand grip his right wrist mindlessly, maybe a mannerism or habit, just to observe his movements.

 

“I mean because we’re having one of those welcoming parties, you know. And since we’re neighbors it’s only right to invite—“ Mark tried to recover from his frightful choice of words but felt as if he was digging a deeper grave. He sounded borderline creepy as he invited a somewhat stranger over his house.

 

“No! I, yeah. I get you. I’ll see you there?” Donghyuck felt as if his whole body was blazing. Cicadas buzzed and filled the silent air around them. Mark only nodded in response before making his way inside his house. 

 

Meanwhile, Donghyuck, fortunate his mom unlocked the door while he was outside, raced to his bedroom and slammed the door behind him. He heard an irritated voice from down the hall scream out to him, but he ignored it. For once, he ignored it. He could barely breathe. Donghyuck felt the oxygen struggle to fill his lungs as he urged himself to calm down. Confusion filled his brain quickly as he pushed his body to sit up. 

 

Really, this is nothing. He doesn’t even know who Mark is, yet why is he reacting like this? His body felt feverish, maybe from the summer heat, while his heart continued its hammering pace. Never in his life has he felt so breathless.

 

.

 

That suffocating feeling was something Donghyuck had to get used to the more he hung around Mark. His body was like a paradox. A contradiction. The more comfortable he grew around him, the more and more it hurt. He was confused, so completely confused, but it didn’t stop him. His fifteenth year of living was spent aside Mark. 

 

People would classify the pair as opposites. Mark, knowledgeable and quiet, while Donghyuck was loud and blunt at times, yet they were inseparable. That summer, Mark only had his cousins to rely on in a country practically foreign to him, so he stuck to Donghyuck like glue. 

 

Donghyuck was completely okay with that though. He liked Mark. Everything about him was pure and energizing. The way he laughed at Donghyuck’s jokes which in turn brought a smile to his own face. The way he gave him advice on all of his questionable decisions. The way he complimented Donghyuck’s singing and calling his voice  _ honey toned _ like that was an everyday compliment. The way he didn’t care too much about his bed hair and how Donghyuck constantly had to smooth it down while they walked to school. The way he quietly explained the homework problems Donghyuck failed to understand. 

 

Mark represented everything good in the world. Just the mere thought of him brought a smile to Donghyuck’s face and quickened his heart rate. At first, it would scare him, but Donghyuck grew used to the feeling. He had to because there was no way he could stay away from someone so radiant. Mark drew him in like a magnet.

  
  


He was sixteen—almost seventeen—when he convinced Mark to do something crazy. Nothing that would get them killed but something that would give Mark enough stress to send him into premature cardiac arrest. Donghyuck persuaded him, with a whole day of begging and a promise to buy him lunch for what was left of their semester, to go on their school’s rooftop. Even though it was after school, there were still many teachers and students roaming the hallways. After jumping behind a pillar, Donghyuck almost tripped and fell which triggered Mark’s obnoxious laughter. Donghyuck tried to shush him, but his best friend instantly went quiet by the voice of an adult. 

 

By instinct, Donghyuck grabbed Mark’s hand and sprinted up the stairs after he swore someone spotted them. His heart was in his throat as he leads the way with soundless footsteps. Their hands intertwined together tightly as if they were afraid to be apart. At that point, Donghyuck certainly felt an indescribable fear. 

 

While pushing the door open, Donghyuck’s giggling laugh fills the air. Mark can’t help but join along as he shakes their joined hands apart. “Really, Lee Donghyuck. You’re crazy.” He insisted with a smile. They sat near the edge of the building on the chalky gravel which would certainly dirty their uniforms, but that wasn’t really a concern at the moment.

 

“ _ You’re _ crazy Lee Minhyung. I can't believe you’ve never been up here before.” Donghyuck teased. He attempted to dodge Mark’s shove, which he knew was coming, yet he was too slow. His shoulder was lightly pushed back by none other than his best friend.  _ Best friend _ . Why did that label give Donghyuck such a nauseous feeling? 

 

The effects of Summer being right around the corner could be felt. Donghyuck took his school blazer off only leaving his white, formal shirt. He sat while hugging his knees to his chest in anticipation. He didn’t know what he was waiting for exactly, but it was as if something was poking at his side. It has gone ignored but the feeling has now been amplified due to the silence. Something telling his body that  _ something isn’t right _ .

 

“Hey. Mark,” Donghyuck watched him as the other bathed in the sun’s glow. His skin is much tanner compared to when he first arrived but still just as mesmerizing. The younger observed the dips and curves and smoothness of Mark’s skin. 

 

“Hm?” Mark tilted his head back to give Donghyuck his full attention. Donghyuck immediately looked away to avoid eye contact as if his eyes would expose the truth of his inner thoughts. The fact that he wanted to drag Mark over and lay his head in his lap. To stoke his hair while watching the sunset as they complained about their teachers and their unnecessary amount of homework. But Donghyuck pushes it down, away, and out of sight because he knows he can’t afford to think this way. They’re best friends. They’re  _ boys _ . 

 

“Are you ever scared? Of, like, the future and stuff?” Donghyuck asked. He felt a bit cowardly, but he needed any type of distraction to get his mind off of whatever odd emotions Mark was making him feel. 

 

At the mention of the future, Mark perked up. His eyes were glowing as he scooted closer to Donghyuck. He didn’t even realize how late it was since the sun was beginning to set. “Scared? I mean I feel a bit nervous since it’s all undecided, but I know it will all work out in the end. Why?” He furrowed his eyebrows in concern. Their hands, which balanced their weight, rested behind them, almost touched. Their shoulders inches apart. 

 

“I mean, kind of.” Donghyuck answers meekly. Some truth was stirring in his heart he didn’t want to expose. He doesn’t even know if he’d be able to explain it. 

 

“Then you should probably pay attention in class more. A smart boy doesn’t have to worry about his future.” Mark teased. Donghyuck kept a straight face while sending a glare in Mark’s direction. The other boy laughed nervously as he hadn’t been on the receiving end of Donghyuck’s anger in a while. Okay, guess it was bad timing for a joke. 

 

“Seriously though, you don’t need to be worried.  _ You will always have me _ .” Mark said. His voice even and serious to show Donghyuck he meant it. Those words ripped through his body and made a home inside his head on constant repeat. Even while leaving, as they pranced home side by side, his mind found its way back to those five words. 

 

Donghyuck was ignorant of how detrimental they’d become. 

 

Maybe he was growing. The dull ache in his heart, the poking at his ribs, and the itching on his wrist all returned with full force. Symptoms Donghyuck could no longer ignore, yet he did. He shut it out and categorized it as something irrelevant. Something that everyone his age is probably going through. 

 

.

 

That following school year, he notices everyone actually starts to grow up. They are all one step from adulthood as people grow a tiny bit taller. Some voices jump an octave lower. Some girls fill into the curves they’ve always desired. Mark and Donghyuck are no exception to aging (and puberty). Donghyuck finds himself angling his head slightly to look up at Mark even though the difference between their height is a couple centimeters. 

 

Things between them are, for the most part, the same as always. Now, they’re just a little bit taller. A little bit closer considering they know everything about each other. Donghyuck continues to watch the ever-radiant Mark with adoration in his eyes. He comes to he meets him after Mark’s soccer practices, they walk home every day together, they eat lunch together—those things haven’t changed—but…

 

Because of this Donghyuck suffers. His right wrist burns every time Mark touches his hands. He was clueless as to why until this year. Their school is obligated to teach them sexual and soulmate education.  _ Soulmate  _ education. 

 

The possibility had never crossed his mind before. He thought they were legends or myths, but it seemed to be an occurrence in the real world.  _ Soulmates are real  _ although not everyone has the privilege of having one or finding theirs. 

 

Those feelings were apparently the tip of the iceberg. As he learned more, the more pain his wrist brought him.  _ Once someone was to learn about soulmates, their heart now yearned to find their destined person. _ It worked like a trigger word. A timed destiny. 

 

Once the mates met, it was supposed to be something happy. Something joyful. Like a weight was lifted off of one’s shoulders, so he doesn’t understand why he’s in so much pain. He stayed awake during restless nights as he struggled to sleep. His body ached all over. He wanted to know why. Why was his body punishing him? He didn’t ask to have a soulmate. 

  
  


It was a morning soon after his enlightening that  Donghyuck screamed so loud where his mother bursts into his room. He’s certain the entire neighborhood is now frightened and awake, but he doesn’t care. His eyes are watering at the sight of his right wrist. The burning sensation paled in comparison to the sight. 

 

“Mom. Please.” He begs in the middle of his sobs. Donghyuck’s hands are grasping at the strands of his hair in anguish. He’s on his knees, in the middle of his bed, crying to a higher power asking  _ why _ . While his mother cradles his shaking body, she glances at his wrist. 

 

“ _ You will always have me _ ? You’ve always been such a romantic Donghyuck-ah” She patted his head and wiped his tears. She seemed happy that her son had realized his soulmate so early. Knowing his mother, she was probably already picking out names for his future grandchildren. 

 

She had no idea that it was his best friend. A person who has been by his side for nearly three years.  Someone with the brightest laugh and kindest eyes that made his stomach evaporate into butterflies. 

 

Donghyuck knew he would never be able to forget those words. Now, his body made sure of it. 

  
  
  


“Hyuck,” Mark starts poking at Donghyuck’s sides to get a reaction. Usually, the younger would flinch away at the sensation, but now, his body feels numb to the touch. Months of living with the truth weighing on his shoulders feel as if it’s crushing his bones. Donghyuck peeks in between the space of his elbow to see if Mark can sense  _ anything _ . If he could feel just a fraction of the pain he was feeling. 

 

“Donghyuck. Should I call for the nurse? You look terrible…no offense.” Mark’s words trailed off as he scanned the boy’s body for injury. His wide, innocent eyes resembled a deer lost and ignorant. So unknowing of the truth. His gaze was the same as ever. The look of happiness and friendship. A look that Donghyuck could never ruin.

 

That afternoon, Donghyuck visited the doctor. 

 

His mother often snuck worried glances in Donghyuck’s direction as she watched his condition progress further and further. Her own son’s glowing skin had dulled, his smile was no more, and he rarely got up from his bed. The unthinkable occurring right before her eyes after those words were permanently inked onto his wrist. 

 

“Lee Donghyuck, is it?” A young man stepped inside with a clipboard in hand. He had relatively normal clothes on with a white coat hanging over. “Um, yes Sir.” He responded. He felt sick to his stomach, but that is his own fault for not eating even when Mark urged him too. 

 

“I’m Doctor Qian. You can call me Kun if you prefer. I don’t mind.” The man seemed friendly. He smiled at Donghyuck and then glanced to his mother. He pushed his glasses up as he stared at the documents on the clipboard. 

 

“For now on Mr. Lee, I will be your Health Specialist. I hope that’s alright?” Dr. Qian took a seat in a plastic chair that was in the examination room. Meanwhile, Donghyuck was perched on a table with his hands digging into the material of his uniform pants. “Wait, does that mean I will be coming to the Doctors more often?” Donghyuck tried to keep his voice even, but his panic was evident. His mother, who was standing next to him, placed a soothing hand over his shaking one. 

 

“I’ll get to that in a moment, but let’s take your vitals first.” 

 

Donghyuck knew why he shied away from the Doctor’s office when he was younger. The cleanliness of the white walls and the smell of antiseptic in the air terrified him. It reminded him of death and dying. Even at six years old, he felt like he was too young to die. 

 

Dr. Qian followed procedures and wrote down many numbers that Donghyuck didn’t try to make sense of. After Donghyuck took many, many deep breaths, Dr. Qian finally sat down with a sigh. 

 

“May I ask you a few questions, Mr. Lee?” His eyebrows were furrowed while examining Donghyuck’s profile. He made sure Donghyuck gave him consent before he began his interrogation. 

 

“The reason for your visit today, you put: body aches and headaches. What do you mean by that?” Dr. Qian asked. Donghyuck instantly looked to his mother, who was also interested in his answer, and realized he was completely alone in this. Everything he was experiencing was something only he could talk about. 

 

“Well, um, sometimes my head hurts a little bit, and my bones feel like they’re growing or burning. It’s just some kind of sensation in my body.” Donghyuck decided to leave out the part where whenever he saw his best friend’s face, he felt like he was getting stabbed in the heart. 

 

“Okay,” he watched the man scribble away, “and when did this begin?” 

 

Donghyuck thought to himself. He’s felt as if he’s been living with this condition forever, but he knows it had to start somewhere. “Well, it wasn’t this bad when it started. It was manageable a couple years ago, but then it got worse…” Donghyuck trailed off. His mother looked pissed he’d been going through all this pain and he hadn’t told her, but Donghyuck wanted to tell her it was  _ bearable.  _ He didn’t want to burden her more than he already does. 

 

“When did it get worse?” 

 

Donghyuck hesitated. “After I got my soulmate mark…about five months ago.” 

 

The room was eerily quiet. Dr. Qian stopped his writing for a couple seconds to let the information sink in before continuing on. Donghyuck has never seen such a nice person look as if they were about to swear. After collecting his notes, he strapped it all to the clipboard. 

 

“Okay,” he smiled at Donghyuck, “today while taking your vitals, there were some irregularities.” He explained. Donghyuck nodded in comprehension to show that Dr. Qian could continue. 

 

“Your blood pressure is high for someone of your age may be due to your body being under some sort of stress. Your heartbeat was slow. Your breathing was labored. Something…seems to be wrong internally, so I’m going to request an X-ray as well as some blood work to be sure.” Dr. Qian recited to him like the professional he is. His voice echoed in Donghyuck’s head as his mother tensed beside him. 

 

Donghyuck felt numb to everything. His body was basically killing itself, but at that moment, he couldn’t feel anything. He didn’t want to. For once after feeling so much, he just wanted to feel nothing at all. 

  
  


.

 

Donghyuck’s phone vibrated in his pocket multiple times before he actually decided to pick it up. He sighed, and banged his head against the bus window when he realized it was Mark (really, who else would it be) spamming the living daylights out of his phone with tens of messages. 

 

_ D o n g h y u c k  _

_ answer me fool!  _

_ best friend card revoked wtf  _

_ i m honestly rlly tired  _

_ and where did u skip off to  _

_ hyuckie <3 pls answer  _

_ I LITERALL Y HAVE NO FRIENDS  _

_ who am i supposed to cheat off of during Korean class pls  _

_ where r u  _

_ lowkey worried lmao but won’t let u know that :0 _

 

He decided to silence his phone and focus on the bus ride. It was quiet with people minding their own business, but every so often someone would glance up from their phone to meet Donghyuck’s eyes. They wouldn’t even smile back whenever Donghyuck managed to smile at them. Really, what a waste of energy. 

 

Everyone files out in a single, straight line as they exit the bus. He’s clueless to why all of these people are taking a bus ride to the hospital, but with the amount of sneezing on that bus, he could guess pretty clearly. As soon as he enters the building, he follows the signs to reach his specified section. He’s practically running around like a lost puppy since his mom isn’t here to accompany him. She wasn’t able to get off of work in the middle of the day. After signing in and filling out another medical history paper, he waits to be seen. 

 

“Lee Dong…hyuck?” The physician’s assistant comes out to fetch him and brings him to a room identical to the one he was in last time. This time, there’s a flower painting on the wall. “Dr. Qian will be here shortly.” 

 

“Mr. Lee!” Dr. Qian comes in with a smile on his face. His voice echoes in the small room and scares the shit out of Donghyuck. He laughs, enjoying the teenager’s shocked face, before remembering what his job is. 

 

“You look better since last time. You’re getting enough sleep? Taking those vitamins I prescribed you?” He asked Donghyuck. The younger sighed. “Yes. I kind of have to now that my mom is on my case.” which made Dr. Qian laugh again. 

 

“It’s good she cares for your health.” He admired their relationship because not many patients he saw held a strong bond with their parents. At least, Donghyuck, out of every, has that to rely on. 

 

Donghyuck watches the doctor place the black pictures onto the lit up screen attached to the wall. There’s two, side-by-side, that look completely different from each other. Dr. Qian’s playful energy has disappeared as he glances between Donghyuck’s patient profile and the patient himself. 

 

“Looking at these X-rays, the one on the right,” from what Donghyuck renders from biology, it appeared to be a healthy respiratory system, “models the chest cavity of an average boy of your age at good health.” Dr. Qian pointed out the small details which made it an optimal example. 

 

“The one on the left is your chest cavity I photographed your last visit.” 

 

Donghyuck was alarmed by the major differences between the two. His heart, at least he thinks that is his heart, was swelling, and there was something growing around his bones. 

  
  


“The small, branch-like matter growing around your bones is a side effect of  _ Hanahaki Disease _ . A rare, but fatal disease that sprouts from a soulmate’s unrequited love.” Dr. Qian explained. 

  
  


“You may not have heard of it since it’s very rare, only about ninety cases in Korea a year, but it is one of the deadliest diseases. Essentially, a flower begins to grow in your lungs due to unrecognized or unrequited love from your soulmate,” he pauses to make sure Donghyuck is understanding. The younger is frozen, but he still continues on. 

 

“In your case, it seems like the love has been developing for a long time. The flower has grown stems and roots that have attached themselves to your bones. This long growth is most likely the source of your body aches.” Dr. Qian is talking slowly and steadily to make sure Donghyuck understands every bit of information. 

 

“I’m guessing…now that you know your soulmate, your body is under more stress since it cannot receive the love it has been yearning for. So, your pain has stemmed from your soulmate.” Donghyuck felt a tear roll down his cheek. Before it fell, he brushed the wetness away. He could not help but wish his mom was here. That he wasn’t alone in this right now. 

 

Dr. Qian rubbed Donghyuck’s back. It was so much for a seventeen year old boy to take in. He couldn’t fathom falling in love at such a young age, but Donghyuck seemed like his heart was so big with so much love to give. 

 

“D-Does this mean I’m dying?” Donghyuck gasped between his tears. He was shaking and scared of what this all meant. It was confusing to try and this process in minutes.  _ There’s something wrong with him? He’s in love?  _

 

“It means living will be a lot harder Donghyuck.” 

 

.

  
  


He finally began to understand this Hotdog or Hanahaki disease—whatever it’s called—was actually trying to destroy his body. Donghyuck claimed to feel the same as always after that fateful doctor visit, but his mother and Mark said otherwise. 

 

She exploded into tears as he walked in the door with multiple pamphlets explaining his condition. After a very heated phone call to Dr. Qian, the truth was beginning to set in, Donghyuck  _ might be _ dying. While he laid in bed, face staring at his blank ceiling, his mind drifted to that thought. He is essentially killing himself because he loves Mark so much,  _ isn’t that funny _ ? A few stray tears escape his eyes and roll down to his temples. 

 

He’s being punished by the universe for loving his best friend. 

 

Donghyuck’s heart aches. 

  
  
  


“You’ve been acting really weird,” Mark announces from behind Donghyuck. The younger doesn’t move a muscle from his comfortable position in Mark’s bed. He’s snuggled up tightly with the blankets around his form. His back facing Mark. 

 

Mark has been watching Donghyuck turn into something unlike himself. Lately, there is no sunshine in his voice or laughter. The dark circles around his eyes tell Mark he’s constantly tired and his pale skin says something is wrong. 

 

At first, he figured Donghyuck was sick. Or something personal had been going on, but these events don’t last for months. He doesn’t even remember the last time he saw a genuine smile or a moment where it felt like he was actually living. Now, he just appears like he’s surviving day-to-day with no purpose. 

 

“Hyuck, please. I’m your best friend. I know something is wrong.” Mark reluctantly patted Donghyuck’s back. He realized the younger has never shown sadness in front of him. Their memories are filled with joyful smiles, petty arguments, and a closeness Mark cannot find within anyone else. Never in his life has he seen Donghyuck so defeated. 

 

Donghyuck rolls over to face upwards toward Mark. The younger is sweating and eyes appear dazed, but they hold Mark’s gaze. Mark knows he’s doing that  _ thing  _ where his eyes go all huge with worry because it makes Donghyuck shake his head. “I’m fine.” His voice croaks out. It’s cracked and weak which doesn’t convince Mark in the slightest.

 

“No, you’re not. Let me get you some water and medicine at least.” Mark turned to run to the kitchen, but Donghyuck mustered up the strength to stop him. His hand had a vice grip on Mark’s wrist as if he was too afraid to let him go. 

 

“I don’t need it.” He lets his friend go in hope that he doesn’t move. “Sit down next to me. Please.” Donghyuck urges. He even pats the open area next to him, thankful that Mark has a huge bed, and peers up to him with big, brown, and sparkly eyes that make it impossible for Mark to resist.

 

He groans. Mark figures he will slip away once Donghyuck has fallen asleep, so he can finally retrieve the cold medicine. 

 

Crawling into his own bed seems weird when there’s someone laying right next to him. Usually, Donghyuck would be occupying the foot of the bed, but his behavior has been odd lately. He acts as if it’s his own space and Mark is just visiting by how comfortable he looks. 

 

As soon as he hits the sheets, Donghyuck is scooting closer to him. Mark is laying on his side with his arm propped up to keep his head from laying flat. Donghyuck invades his space without permission. Mark tenses as he feels a pair of arms wrap around his waist. Donghyuck’s head is laying on his chest, but it’s out of Mark’s view and underneath the covers. 

 

Donghyuck has always been touchy. A hand on the shoulder here or back-hug there didn’t really effect Mark anymore. He’s been doing these little affections since they first met. Mark deemed it a part of Donghyuck’s personality. A couple of months back, as soon as their last year in high school started, his actions had decreased. Mark was worried Donghyuck was drifting away from their friendship but was mistaken. It’s obviously anything but that. 

 

“You okay now?” Mark asked and lifted the covers to peek inside. He could only see the crown of Donghyuck’s head. “No.” He answered back. He was glued to Mark, so he felt Donghyuck’s voice vibrate against his chest. It was an odd feeling. Warmth filled his entire body and stretched across his bones. 

 

“Why not?” Mark laughed. Above all, he was still concerned about Donghyuck’s well-being. His body feels boiling to the touch, yet he is shivering into Mark. He’s sick and something has been putting stress on him lately. It shows in his exhausted movements. 

 

“Because…” Donghyuck pauses. It stretches on long enough that Mark questions whether or not he fell asleep. “Because, I don’t know.” He finally settles on. Mark is more than confused and attempts to pull himself away from Donghyuck, but the grips on his t-shirt with his life. 

 

“What does that even mean Donghyuck? I’m seriously worried.” Mark asks. The younger loosens his grip and detaches himself from Mark’s warmth. He sits up slowly with Mark not too far behind. “Don’t worry, Mark.” He says. His voice is melancholy with a sense of defeat. 

 

“What? Why? I’m your  _ best friend _ , of course, I’m going to worry.” He is so confused about why Donghyuck swears by avoiding the truth. Why doesn’t he just confess what’s on his mind rather than be vague and shut Mark out? 

 

“It’s because you’re my  _ best friend _ that I don’t want you to worry! Please, Mark,” Donghyuck’s voice breaks into a cough, “You don’t under—” Donghyuck can’t even finish since he is coughing so much. “You don’t understand.” The coughing fit came out of nowhere, but it’s like something is strangling his lungs and coming up his throat. He’s coughing so hard that he can barely breathe. 

 

He knows Mark is saying something in retaliation right now—they’re arguing for Christ sake—but the voice feels miles away. His pulse is loud in his ears as he continues to cough. 

 

When Donghyuck gets this strange feeling that he may vomit, he throws off the sheets and rushes to the bathroom. He almost trips when rounding a corner, but he still makes it in time before his entire body lurches forward. 

 

He’s continuously coughing as flower petals spill out of his mouth. When it stops for a moment, he wipes the saliva from his mouth and tears from his eyes. Then, the feeling comes back again. More and more yellow petals come from Donghyuck’s body. Petals of a sunflower.

 

His entire body slumps against the toilet as he finishes. A sob escapes his mouth, but he tries to keep it down since he doesn’t want to worry Mark more than he already has. Silent tears stream down his face as he flushed the evidence away. The black ink on his right wrist burns with heartache. 

 

Mark was frozen still at the door frame of the bathroom, but he moved away swiftly before Donghyuck could notice. The words, like a tattoo, on his friend’s wrist. The throwing up of a flower. Like some kind of myth Mark had heard about online. 

 

The truth slowly started to force its way in. 

 

His best friend—his Donghyuck—was in love. So, so badly in love, and Mark didn’t even realize. 

 

.

  
  


As the year progressed, with winter passing, Donghyuck felt himself slipping into a terrible state. It was evident that everyone knew he was going through something, but they never asked specifically what. Constantly, he had to assure his classmates that he was okay even though he felt far from it. Only Mark and his Mom could see through the front he put up every day. 

 

“Are you hungry Donghyuck-ah? Dinner will be ready in ten minutes at most.” His mother said after greeting him with a kiss on the cheek. Donghyuck sighed and dragged himself towards his room instead of finding a seat at the kitchen table. 

 

“I’m not really hungry.” And it’s true. He didn’t have much of an appetite these days. Most of the time at lunch, Mark would force him to finish half of his meal. That alone, made him full unlike usual. 

 

“Lee Donghyuck, you look terrible. You’ve lost weight. You need to eat.” His mother urged with sadness edging in her voice. Donghyuck felt guilty. It tore her to pieces watching her son grow so sickly while she could do nothing about it. While he didn’t want to do anything about it.

 

“I’m sorry, I’ll eat. I just don’t feel well.” Donghyuck said. It was always like this. The constant, painful sick feeling that went with harboring these feelings. They got worse, little by little, every time Donghyuck decided to stay by Mark’s side. 

 

“You don’t ever feel well. You don’t even look well either. Don’t you see what this love is doing to you?” His mom argued. They’ve been down this path many times, and it always ends in a fight. He understands where his mom is coming from, but he wants her to understand his view as well. His love cannot be replaced. He doesn’t want to forget how he’s feeling no matter how much it hurts. 

 

“I feel it every day mom! It’s growing and taking over my body. It hurts so, so much, but it doesn’t change the fact that I still love  _ him _ .” Donghyuck pleas. Ever time he feels like the pain is too much, Mark gives him another reason to smile. His little actions bring Donghyuck so much joy. His goofy jokes and his blind faith in everything made it so easy to love him. 

 

“This love—loving him—is destroying you. I’m not going to watch you kill yourself over him.” His mother, angered, slams the wooden spoon down after mixing the soup. 

 

“No matter how much I  _ don’t _ want to love him, I still do. It’s too late. I’m sorry Mom.” His eyes were glazed over as he pried her arms open to climb inside her embrace. She knew how soulmates worked, and how most people didn’t love someone outside of their destined person. She is the same way with Donghyuck’s father, yet this fate is so hard to accept for her son. Why must he live out a cruel path while she was blessed with such happiness? 

 

“Don’t apologize Donghyuck. It is killing me to see you this way. I wish I could take your pain away.” She stroked his head in comfort as he hugged her tightly. His bones poked into her sides unlike before and made her fear for the future that was to come. 

  
  


Donghyuck figured there was some kind of loophole, some sort of way of survival, when it came to this disease. As Mark distanced himself from him rather suddenly, he didn’t question it. He took the opportunity to focus on graduating ( _ yes, so out of his character to be concerned with his school work _ ).

 

Some twisted, sliver of hope inside his head told him he may actually recover if he spent time away from Mark. Although Mark was happiness and joy, Donghyuck could not ignore the fact that it was loving his best friend that brought so much pain. Whether it was himself or Mark who made the first move, maybe some distance would be okay. 

 

Donghyuck didn’t wait around for Mark to finish his soccer practice and walk home together anymore. Instead, he was in the library studying or reading. In the music room practicing the piano. He didn’t feel like going home just to be faced with the reality that he couldn’t escape from. 

 

Then, he and Donghyuck started to rarely eat lunch together. Mark watched him gravitate towards others he’d never seen outside of class. People in the choir club and people in honors classes that he doesn’t make conversation with. 

 

Mark felt itchy inside. It was as if his heart was in a state of unrest while watching Donghyuck make other friends that weren’t him. Maybe it was jealousy. Mark heard the boy, someone he used to call his best friend, bursting into laughter behind him in class. He watched him stroll in the hallway while not even sparing him a glance. Everything made him question how they were so close in the first place. The fact that they were neighbors kept them together like glue, but they are so different. Complete opposites. 

 

They were bound to drift apart, so Mark accepted their ending. He ignored the questions of Donghyuck’s soulmate mark plaguing his mind. He pushed out the memory of Donghyuck throwing up yellow sunflowers as if they were making him sick to his stomach. He didn’t think twice about the stacked bracelets on Donghyuck’s right wrist. He didn’t dwell on the way their eyes would meet every so often. Mark would keep walking while Donghyuck’s eyes bore through the back of his head as they parted ways. 

 

Mark wasn’t allowed to think of any of this. Any memory or thought concerning Donghyuck made him feel embarrassed after a while. He couldn’t exactly explain why, but it seemed as if he was still holding on to their friendship while Donghyuck was more than fine moving on. 

  
  


.

  
  


“Mark!” He neck almost broke from whiplash as he looked around aimlessly trying to find Donghyuck. The boy was standing no more than fifty feet in front of him by the curb. Donghyuck was waving. Mark removed a hand from gripping his backpack’s strap to weakly wave back. 

 

The sun was setting, but it still graced the horizon perfectly enough to show how beautifully tanned Donghyuck is. The boy neared Mark with a skip as if he was in a good mood. Mark attempted to smile to mask all of his anguish he’s been feeling lately. 

 

“How are you? It’s been a while.” He asked. Donghyuck has always been so good at conversation, especially when it came to Mark, so months of being apart haven’t affected his ability to talk to him. 

 

“I’ve been…better, I guess.” He shifted nonchalantly. Mark assumed his thinking was right. Donghyuck was more than fine with the outcome of how their friendship ended. It was like a stab to the heart. He’s lost friends before, but Donghyuck…was special. He was Mark’s guidance when he first moved to Seoul. 

 

“The ever-happy Lee Mark not doing well? Why? Did you run laps today? Get less than a 100 your Math test?” Donghyuck is taken aback by Mark’s gloominess. It was so rare to see Mark brooding over a problem, so of course, Donghyuck took the opportunity to poke fun at him. Partially to make him feel better and partially to make himself feel better (as sad as that sounds).

 

Living without Mark by his side had been a nightmare in more ways than one. 

 

“Something like that,” Mark said vaguely. He  _ could  _ just come out and say the truth, but even now it’s hard for him to accept. He shouldn’t have depended on Donghyuck so much in the first place. 

 

Donghyuck hummed in agreement. Mark was about to take that as a cue to go inside, but Donghyuck grabbed his wrist to twist him around. 

 

“Wanna go on, like, a walk or something? We used to do this all the time to clear our heads.” He offered. Mark was already nodding before he could stop himself. Donghyuck was already a few steps ahead before he could really process what was happening. 

 

He still had his backpack on. He was still wearing his practice uniform from this afternoon. He doesn’t even know where Donghyuck is taking him. 

 

And his wrist. His left wrist. It’s so small, almost microscopic, but there’s a small burning sensation that makes him fear something is right underneath the surface. 

  
  


The pair walked and walked with mostly Donghyuck talking. He talked about the most random topics like how your forearm is the same length as your foot and how French fries aren’t actually French. Mark felt like it was the end of the world with how much Donghyuck was talking. Mark was zoned out until he bumped into Donghyuck’s back. The other boy sent him a rude look before jogging over to the swing set. 

 

“The park? Aren’t I eighteen already?” Mark asked with a laugh. He trotted over to the jungle gym set and sat with his legs hanging over the ladder to the monkey bars. He removed his backpack and placed it next to him as he watched Donghyuck hop on a swing that was struggling to hold his weight. 

 

“It’s so obvious this place is for little kids. I’m going to laugh when you break that swing.” Mark yelled from afar. He was already breathless from laughing though. The image of Donghyuck falling out of a swing was more than enough to send him over into a fit of giggles.

 

“Shut the fuck up. Why don’t you do something productive and come push me?” Donghyuck asked. His legs were crossed as he patiently waited for Mark to make his way over. 

 

“Mark.” He whined. Mark didn’t move from looking down at his phone. Donghyuck wasn’t thrilled to see he was still social media obsessed. 

 

“ _ Markkkk _ . Please!” He screamed loud enough to disturb the neighbors. Mark was pushing himself off the platform to land softly on whatever this floor was made of. Foam? It was so cushiony. 

 

“Okay. I get it. I’m coming.” 

 

It was like those two months never existed. As he pushed Donghyuck, aiming for the small of his back, he realized that their bond was unbreakable. They slipped so easily back into being friends while most would fumble with awkwardness trying to have a conversation. 

 

They were so  _ different.  _

 

“Mark! Okay! That’s too much.” Donghyuck’s voice went up an octave in panic. Even in the poor lighting of the sun setting, Mark could see Donghyuck gripping for his life at the chains of the swing. Just because, he gave Donghyuck an extra push. 

 

He didn’t expect him to fly off though. 

 

Donghyuck was airborne for a few seconds until his body slammed on the ground. He rolled over with a groan which had Mark breathless with laughter. He couldn’t speak as tears formed in his eyes. Still, he rushed over to Donghyuck to check his condition. No broken bones, no concussion (he thinks), and nothing out of the ordinary. He’s still the same boy he met all those years ago. 

 

“Are you okay?” Mark continues laughing like a madman as he helps Donghyuck sit up. They’re both sitting on the ground, toe to toe. Donghyuck looks a little dizzy and a little upset. “ _ Guess he really didn’t need that last push _ .” Mark thought to himself jokingly. All over again, his body threatened to break into laughter. 

 

Mark was staring. He didn’t realize until it was too late, but Donghyuck didn’t really mind. He stared back. Mark, realizing that their eyes still did that weird  _ spark _ thing when they met, shied away from Donghyuck’s gaze. It felt like there was an electrical current flowing between them. With Mark lost in his own head, Donghyuck decided to strike back with revenge. 

 

Mark felt the wind being knocked out of him as he was pushed to the ground. His brain rattled against his skull while the weight on top of him crushed his pelvis. Once his blurry vision became clear again, Donghyuck’s frowning face was directly in his line of sight. 

 

“Doesn’t feel so nice does it?” Donghyuck retaliated. He wasn’t exactly thinking when he pushed Mark down, in the middle of a park, but now he’s on top of him. Mark shook his head unable to answer. 

 

The air between them was thick and tension filled. Donghyuck slid his hands down Mark’s chest, not knowing what to do with them, and then met his eyes. For the first time in their friendship, Donghyuck couldn’t tell what he was thinking. Mark is usually so transparent, but today he seemed so on edge. He was acting like something had changed between them in the short time they were apart. Maybe he caught onto Donghyuck’s weird behavior. Maybe he figured out his best friend was in love with him. 

 

Donghyuck’s body was moving on its own before his mind could scream  _ stop _ . His hands slid up to Mark’s shoulders as he leaned down to bring their lips together. It was quick. So quick. Nothing more than a peck, but he needed to do it. His heart ached for him to. 

 

Spending time away from Mark brought him pain and relief. He didn’t have as many  _ coughing episodes _ but the longing in his heart didn’t stop. Hanahaki turned into a silent disease as it continued to grow. His love for Mark never stopped. Donghyuck was stupid to think he could outlive fate. 

 

As he backed away, he felt Mark pull him back in again. He used his strength to his advantage as he kept Donghyuck in place. His hands delicately placed on his friend scared he would break him, as he kissed up to him. Their lips moved together in sync before separating again. Donghyuck began breathing harder. 

 

Mark never failed to take his breath away. 

 

He didn’t want to move or muddle the perfect present they lived in. Here, where his forehead is against Mark’s as he goes crossed eyed trying to look in his eyes, is the life Donghyuck wants to live forever. 

 

“I missed you.” Donghyuck managed to say. It was a  mere fraction of how deep his longing actually ran. Every day without Mark cut through him like a knife. The pain, now that he’s back and in his hands, feels unbearable…because Donghyuck knows his heart will never be his. 

  
  


But Donghyuck hopes, in the silence of his mind and his thoughts, Mark missed him too. Selfishly, he wanted his existence to mean some sort of significance to Mark. Donghyuck knew by the way his bones creaked and heart ached that he was nothing more than a friend. A best friend.

 

As his time ran out, reality proved to him that their relationship would forever be stuck. Stagnant. Never progressing like his heart yearned for them to. 

 

Donghyuck was okay with that though. He had to be. He refused to burden—to ruin—years worth of friendship over stupid feelings. Even if it killed him to keep it bottled up inside. 

 

. 

 

Mark is buttoning up his shirt and slicking back his hair in the mirror when his phone begins to ring. He groans as valuable time to prettify himself has gone interrupted by his ringtone. He’s in a terribly good mood. He’s already smiling, having the thought of Donghyuck and graduation on his mind, but the grin grows wider as he identifies the caller: Donghyuck’s mom. It’s probably just a courtesy call to pass time—to talk about future plans—since their high school graduation is tonight.  _ Their high school graduation is tonight _ . Wow. Mark is too busy reminiscing between the blurs of soccer, homework, friends, and his best friend, that he almost misses the chance to answer. 

 

“Hello—“

  
  


“ _ Mark _ .” The woman’s voice was firm but hollow. Like all of the liveliness had been drained from her veins. Like she hadn’t been getting sleep in the past week. Mark instantly grew worried. This was his best friend’s mom—someone who was like a mother to him. “I need you…to come to the hospital.” Her request was short and hesitant as if she held the rest of the truth on the tip of her tongue. Mark resisted the urge to run his fingers through his hair in premature stress. 

 

“I—Hospital? What’s going on?” Mark tried his luck by asking for the details of the situation. They were supposed to be graduating. This was supposed to be the start of the rest of their lives. After the park incident, their friendship seemingly returned back to normal. Their last days of school were spent in laughter and happiness and walks after school which fooled Mark into believing…Donghyuck was better. That he had somehow healed in the time he spent away from him. Mark didn’t want to dwell on the details. That scarring image of his best friend throwing up flowers in his bathroom still stains his memory.

 

“Please Mark. Even if it’s for a second.  _ He _ needs you.” She pleaded with a trembling voice. Mark felt a stab in his heart at the sound of Donghyuck’s mom breaking down before she hung up the phone. He didn’t bother changing out of his formal clothes or brood over what was tearing her up so badly. Whatever it is, it can’t be that bad. She will be overly concerned because Donghyuck is her only son. 

 

Donghyuck is too strong to let an illness break him. 

 

Mark, while on the way to the hospital, grips the steering wheel hard enough to make his hands feel like sandpaper. His head felt empty, barely registering the turns and stop lights, as he continued to deny any possibility that Donghyuck is hurt in some way, shape, or form. That he  _ isn’t  _ okay.

 

_ He’s fine. He’s well. He will be okay _ . 

  
  
  
  


He bumps into a few carts and stray nurses as he breaks into a jog down the hallway. As soon as the receptionist emphasized visiting hours would be over in 30 minutes, he took off running. His heartbeat blared in his ears. The quick rhythm matched his footsteps as he scrambled to seek out an important room amongst many random ones.

 

While checking room numbers, he realizes he’s close. For a hospital, it’s extremely quiet in this section…minus the coughing. It’s all Mark hears. The same, violent sound of sickness that plagued Donghyuck once before. The sound of unrequited love. 

 

His mind never dwelled on Donghyuck’s soulmate mark unless it was a restless night or a boring day in class. From his distance, the words were never decipherable. Just smudged black ink covered by pretty beaded bracelets. 

 

But he couldn’t fathom someone who would be stupid enough not to love Donghyuck back. 

 

As he soundlessly steps into the room, the atmosphere turns heavier. Mark doesn’t even realize he grabs everyone’s attention with his sudden appearance because all he can see is Donghyuck. Small and frail Donghyuck who’s paper white and barely awake. “Who—“ the nurse on call starts to press, but Donghyuck’s mother steps in. “I called him. He can stay.” 

 

Mark couldn’t really comprehend what he was seeing. His body moved on its own to get out of the doorway and next to Donghyuck’s mother. She was pulling him into an embrace before he could even ask about their current situation. As selfish as it sounds, he’s glad. He doesn’t think his mind is in the right place to understand. His eyes could barely last longer than a second on Donghyuck. He felt the sight of his sickly best friend beginning to rip his heart to shreds. Sounds of coughing filled the air. 

 

There were yellow flower petals everywhere. 

 

It was obvious the hospital staff did a diligent job trying to clean them up, but Mark’s observant eye spotted a few scattered on the floor. He singled out a cluster on the bed. 

 

“Mark.” He hears a weak voice call out to him. One he didn’t know he’d do  _ anything _ for until right at this moment. The nurses have just closed the door to leave, but Donghyuck is already reaching out for his hand. Mark cannot deny him. Soon after he hears the door close once again. Donghyuck’s mom must’ve stepped out as well. 

 

“I begged my mom not to call you,” He pauses and coughs. It shakes his narrow frame with so much force that Mark feels like he has to hold him to keep him from falling apart. He squeezes Donghyuck’s hand. “yet you’re still here. I didn’t want you to see me like this.” 

 

Despite the hell Donghyuck’s body is going through, he still manages the heart to smile at Mark. It’s still so bright. The gloomy hospital room contrast in comparison. “Why are you doing—Why Donghyuck? Don’t—” Mark couldn’t even form full sentences. His confusion clouded his thinking. Clouded his eyes with tears until Donghyuck became a blurry mess in his vision

 

“You can’t cry. Please don’t cry.” Donghyuck begged. The sight of Mark upset and sniffling made it even harder for him to breathe when it already felt impossible. Mark grabbed Donghyuck’s other hand. He felt both of them in his grasp—so much smaller compared to his—and intertwined their fingers. 

 

“Just promise me you’ll be okay. You’ll get better. And you’ll forget about whoever you love.” Mark asked of him. The room was filled with silence minus the heart monitor letting them know time was still passing. When his best friend kept quiet, Mark grew panicked. “Donghyuck, they’re hurting—“

 

“I can’t Mark. I don’t want to live a life where I don’t love  _ you _ ”

 

Mark pauses. Donghyuck can feel Mark’s vice grip on his hands loosening due to the utter shock of the situation. His face is frowned down in uncertainty as he shakes his head. Mark refuses to accept any of the words being thrown his way. It couldn’t be true.

 

“Me? You’re telling me…I’m responsible for all of this?” He asked in a small voice. Mark, forever placing the blame on himself, still somehow managed to make Donghyuck upset while he coughed his lungs out.

 

“No! This was my decision. I know where your heart lies. I knew you’d never…  _ love me  _ … as anything more than a best friend.” Donghyuck reiterated the thought that crossed his head more than a million times. Ever since he was fourteen and brimming with childlike innocence, Mark was the love of his life. He didn’t quite understand it, but he knew his heart would be unable to let him go. His body and his mind chose him. 

 

Mark continued to stand in silence as he struggled to process the thought of his own best friend being in love with him. How could he not see it? Why didn’t Donghyuck say anything? Maybe if he did, Mark would…

 

Mark doesn’t know what he would’ve done differently. 

 

And for a brief second, Donghyuck swears the pain dulls. It dissipates like it wasn’t even there to begin with. He figures that’s just the morphine making his body numb. 

 

“It’s funny. The years I’ve spent next to you have been filled with nothing but happy moments. You’ve been the center of my world,” He coughs and Mark shakes off the other boy’s hand just so he can pat his back softly, “but because of that, I’ve felt nothing but heartbreak. Nothing but pain. Every time you look at me, it hurts. I’m faced with reality time and time again as soon as I meet your eyes.” 

 

Mark shies away from Donghyuck’s fierce gaze. His dark brown eyes, although tired, still hold so much emotion. An emotion that Mark doesn’t know how to face. He doesn’t want to hurt Donghyuck…anymore than he already has. 

 

“You’re my best friend.” Donghyuck sighs out. Mark has heard those same words for years—that title has been attached to Donghyuck ever since they met—but it has never stung so much until now. 

 

He hears a sniffle and sees Donghyuck wiping his tears on the sleeve of his hospital gown. Mark instantly throws all caution out the window and follows the commands his heart is shouting at him. Like instinct, he brushes the wet trails away that continue to fall. Donghyuck’s face sits comfortably in Mark’s right hand. Mark feels as if he’s holding the entire sun by how heavy his arms and shoulders feel.

 

“I imagined having this talk so many times in my head, but nothing prepared me for how much it would fucking hurt.” Donghyuck hiccuped before sobbing into Mark. The elder made sure to bring him in close and wrap him up tightly in his arms. 

 

“Don’t go Donghyuck. Please.”  _ I think I love you _ the words were on the tip of his tongue, but Mark was too scared that it was a lie. How could he fall in love in minutes? This entire thing has to be a lie. He clenched his teeth to hold back the tears that threatened to spill. 

 

Donghyuck felt a hand stroke the back of his head to play with his hair. “I—I’m sick Mark. It’s like a tumor that’s been growing for more than three years. It’s too late.” Donghyuck finally says. Mark’s heart drops to the floor and shatters.  _ No _ .  _ It can’t be true. _

 

“No. I’ll come back tomorrow and you’ll still be here. You’ve always been by my side.” 

 

“Mark—“ he says in a solemn voice.

 

“Donghyuck!” Mark pushes his friend away. He feels so disgusted with himself. Why couldn’t he have seen the signs to love him? The entire room feels as if it’s closing in on them. Trying to destroy their happiness. Or maybe it was him. Mark and his inability to see all the love that was right next to him every single day. 

 

“I can’t…I’m not ready for you to go Donghyuck. You can’t just…expect me to be okay with you dying. Because of me.” Mark pleaded as if Donghyuck could somehow control his own fate. Like his heart wasn’t already shutting down on him as they spoke. Donghyuck felt woozy. Like his world was spinning. He saw three Mark’s in front of him as he blinked slowly. He felt sick to his stomach like he would throw up an entire field of sunflowers. 

 

He beckoned him closer, and, hesitantly, Mark obliged. His lips closed in on Mark’s softly with a kiss. Something that surprised Mark, but didn’t feel unwelcomed. As he leaned into Donghyuck’s warmth, the sensation was already gone. 

 

“Make me happy.” Donghyuck slurred. “And find your place in life… doing what you love,” Mark knew he was referring to music. His heart swelled. “Just remember,  _ I’ll always love you.  _ Even when I’m not there to say it.” Donghyuck breathed out slowly before his eyes rolled shut. The heart monitor blared at the noise of Donghyuck’s heart rate dropping rapidly which sent Mark into a state of panic. Instinctively, he tried to shake Donghyuck awake. He begged and pleaded as the red numbers continued to fall. A sign that his heart was slowing down to a stop. 

 

“What’s going on?” A voice Mark didn’t recognize asked behind him. He didn’t bother to acknowledge it and continued to focus on Donghyuck’s lifeless body. He grabbed a hold of his hand and held it to his chest. His touch was still warm. Mark’s fingers wrapped around the fading words written in black on Donghyuck’s wrist.  _ You’ll always have me _ .

 

Never has he felt so numb. 

  
  


Mark was pushed out of the room with the door slammed in his face. For a second, he feared that would be the last time he saw Donghyuck. The mere thought caused him to grab at his gelled hair and suppress a scream. He was struggling to breathe in the confined space of the hospital hallway. The image of Donghyuck, smiling and radiant, being smudged over with the darkness of today. All Mark could see was his sick body, laying there with no light. 

 

But no, he couldn’t afford to think that way. He had to calm down. He had to  _ breathe.  _

 

He’d come back tomorrow morning. 

 

He’d see Donghyuck smile again. 

**Author's Note:**

> well uh...... /sweats/  
> don't worry (or worry a lot) cuz its not over yet!  
> next part is mark’s “love” story!  
> \- pls comment some feedback if y’all dont mind <3  
> \- talk to me on [twit](https://twitter.com/simigang) if u need me  
> \- see y’all next time <33


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